A Better Way to Work a Room
by Susan Bixler
Developing social skills is one of the best ways to self-brand. Here is a guide to maximize networking situations.
Working a room...if only it could be fun...or at least productive. I am referring to that mandatory business event that requires us to mix and mingle, to meet and greet, to schmooze and suffer.
Command performance events like a cocktail party, a business dinner, or a charity event can feel stiff, forced, and boring. Suzanne RoAne reports that only .0025% of people polled in her research study actually enjoy walking into a room full of strangers.
So why put yourself through that torture so that you will potentially re-experience every personal rejection that has ever happened to you? Well for one thing, Nathan Keyfitz, professor of sociology at Harvard observes, "Personal culture will be of even greater importance for economic success in the future. The most successful people will be those who can communicate and connect better than their peers."
Put another way, developing social skills is one of the best ways to self-brand. It's free advertising and you get to control the entire message. Are there risks? Absolutely. But the upside is huge. The more you put yourself in networking situations, the easier it becomes and the greater the professional, social, and personal benefits.
Here is a condensed guide for a better way to work a room: 1. Approach every networking opportunity with the attitude that it is going to be fun. While no single event is guaranteed to change your life, any single event could. Who isn't attracted to someone who is smiling, laughing, and enjoying him or herself!
2. Be clear about your objectives. What do you hope to gain? What do you have to contribute? Don't wait for someone to introduce you. It is not going to happen. Think about how good you feel when someone takes the initiative to walk up to you and introduce themselves. Have a simple self-introduction ready that in some way connects you to that person. "Hi, I am Bob Myers. Our offices are on the 10th floor. Are you a tenant here too?" or "Hi, I am June Childs. Isn't that chicken phyllo tart that you are eating just delicious?"
3. Reject CPA...Continuous Partial Attention. That's the way most of us go through life, with the radio on, talking to a client, while answering personal email and simutaneously checking our Blackberry. Focus all your attention on that single person you are speaking with, making friendly eye contact, actively listening, allowing some silence, adding attentive body language, and even giving them the sense that you have been genuinely waiting all week to meet them. You will be giving them a wonderful gift, the gift of your complete attention.
4. Learn the art of small talk. It starts with giving someone your complete attention, but moves to finding an area of common interest. Small talk is never too serious, but works to put people at ease, to make them more comfortable. Given that, any topic will do. Dogs, cats, trips, food, books, movies, kids, restaurants, home projects, or sports will work well as long as we don't monopolize the conversation. Small talk doesn't teach, preach, or impress. It isn't about building status or importance. It is just light, easy, and human.
5. Do your homework. Review the names of the people attending, their spouses or partners, their affiliations, and any prior conversations you had with them. Get help from others if you need it.
Finally, common sense tells us, but we often ignore it, to not arrive too late, leave too early, drink too much, dress too casually or provocatively, eat too much, talk too much, dance too wildly, push our agenda too much, or glue ourselves to one person the whole night.
Few things personally or professionally happen by accident. The good things in our lives occur because of planning, initiation, courage and intention. Consider going to the next command performance with some pre-planning and the intent to have fun. Then watch what happens.
About the Author
Susan Bixler is a widely recognized author, speaker, executive coach and a frequently quoted expert in the area of corporate image development. As president and founder of The Professional Image, Inc., her company was the first to focus on the image and communication needs of corporations and businesses. Established in 1980, her company is one of the most well-known image and communication consulting firms in the country.
